15 Ways to Get Over a Breakup Like a Grown Woman

1. Either block or unfriend him on Facebook, because that shit will be the death of you. Maybe you assume you are a reasonable and mature lady-human who can handle seeing the occasional reminder of him on your Facebook timeline. You’re both grown-ups, right! What’s a little “David’s Birthday Bar Crawl!” action popping up on your feed? Noooo. There will be a really pretty redhead in his arms in every picture, and you will feel like you want to jump into Buffalo Bill’s abandoned well girl-trap in Silence of The Lambs.
2. Don’t immediately suggest to “stay friends” — and if he does, tell him you need to think about it. This is an impulse because you don’t want to seem like you care too much about the breakup. Because you’re so chill. You’re so chill that your heart isn’t beating. Aaand, you’re dead. But truthfully, during this stilted, awkward breaking-up period, it’s hard to tell whether you’ll be able to be friends or not. Generally, one person wants to be friends and the other wants to be more. Gotta work that shit out before it can be a healthy friendship … if it ever can be. You’re not admitting defeat by not staying friends with him.
Overanalyzing Your Breakup Could Actually Help You Feel Better
3. If you feel an impulse to get drunk alone, call some friends instead. It’s the worst being alone and sad and drunk. When you’ve just broken up with someone, you get all nihilistic, and because there is probably not a Hot Topic near you to get some KoRn CDs, you get too hammered to see and wind up hooking up with a 50-year-old married man with a ponytail in a bar bathroom. At least be sad with people you love! We’ve all been heartbroken — it’s not like they’ll judge you for drinking wine with dirty hair, in Family Guy pajamas.

4. If you want to drunk-text, get your friend to take your phone away or throw it in a volcano. Oh, the number of times I have drunk-texted something cryptic to an ex at 2 a.m. and assumed if he texts back, he still has feelings for me. Drunk-texting an ex is a two-steps-forward-one-step-back slide down the rabbit hole. Him replying, “nothing,” to your booze-fueled, “sup,” does not mean you’ll have a spring wedding.

5. Begin some kind of intense, rage-based workout routine. Maybe this isn’t a good time for yoga! Maybe it’s a good time for something new, like kickboxing. Really get some of that negative stuff out.

6. Spend a lot of time outside. It’s a cliché, but fresh air really does clear your head. So does, you know, seeing the sun every once in a while. Take at least two hours from each day just to leave your Cave of Forgotten Dreams and interact with The Outside.

7. Rebound with one incredibly hot guy, if that’s what you want, and then give yourself some time to decompress and remember who you are. Go out and get yourself some strange from a guy who is either a King of Leon or just has dirty hair. It’s hard to tell the difference. But then slow down and be low-key for a while. If you’ve had one rebound, you’ve had them all, in this woman’s opinion.

8. If you start dating someone else, take it really slow. Dude. You just ended a relationship and your heart flipped over and exploded like a tanker in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. If you take it step by step and enjoy it as a casual thing for a while, that’ll give you some time to evaluate whether you’re actually ready to be with someone again or if you’re just ready to have really hot sex with them in an elevator once in a while.
This Couple Broke Up Because of Yogurt
9. Allow yourself to cry when you need to. Thus preventing a giant tidal wave of #feels to wash over you in the workplace, or the DMV, or anywhere else inappropriate. If you don’t, you’ll repress your feelings until you break down in the office pantry while you’re microwaving your pasta and that passive-aggressive asshole Susan comes over and takes you to the women’s bathroom and murmurs a bunch of vaguely religious-sounding proverbs like, “This too shall pass.” And then every time you and Susan make contact afterwards, it will be weird.

10. If you get a Facebook invite to his best friend’s party … stay home, put a face mask on, eat Chinese, and watch House of Cards. There is always a strong temptation to show up with a fresh blowout and a low-cut J.Lo Grammys dress, and grind with his friend that you hate just to make him jealous. Eat your heart out, you think to yourself as you do a nasty seventh grade dance grind with the guy you once referred to as a “dicksnack tool moron.” Actually, assuming his best friend is some guy you don’t really care about, going to that party still makes it all about him — not your emotional well-being. And seeing him will just pick the scab open.

11. Don’t scheme to get him back — scheme to get yourself back. Get some solid book recs, join a pickup sports game, go on a trip somewhere with a girlfriend. Paint your bathroom; I don’t care. Just do something for yourself.

12. Write him heartbroken letters and never send them. Get it all out — on paper, so as to avoid accidentally sending them. (E is for the “Extremely messed up way you treated me.” R is for “the rage I feel.” I is for “I will never love again.” C is for “I HATE YOU YOU DICKHEAD, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME.” Sent from reallyreallysad@gmail.com.) I bet that’s how Alanis Morrissette wrote “You Oughta Know.”
Is This the Worst Text Message Breakup of All Time?
13. Avoid posting the details on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or Instagram. Or Tumblr. Live ya life! Airing your grievances on social media is not good for anyone, and it’ll be embarrassing later. Who’s gonna read it, anyway? Aunt Maggie? That girl you met during Welcome Week?

14. Take baths. Baths are half wallowing and half cleansing/pampering, and thus are perfect for breakups. When’s the last time you really filled up your tub (clean it first, please) and had a good soak with a glass (bottle) of wine? Showers are not for the recently dumped.

15. Stop blaming yourself and thinking things like, “If only I’d watched more Bourne movies/dyed my hair blonde/given more rim jobs/was cooler.” It takes two to break up — the problem wasn’t just you, it was you two as a couple. It’s almost reverse-narcissistic to blame yourself that much! If you try to look at the relationship from the outside, maybe you’ll have an easier time seeing how you both contributed to the breakup. “If only” killed the dinosaurs. (Actually an asteroid did, but let’s not quibble.)

7 Must Do’s While You’re Dating

7 Must Do’s While You’re Dating

In 2009, I told my wife that I was going to marry her. The problem is, we were not dating yet. 

A few weeks later, I convinced her to take a chance. I lined up a grandiose night. We went to one of those fancy restaurants where you cook your own food over an open flame, followed up by a night of ice skating (which we could barely do), and capped the evening with dessert and a few hours of good conversation.

Now as many of you know, I’ve been married for almost 5 years now. But without an incredible dating life, we might not be here (well at least I like to think so). So what are some powerful tips, thoughts, or “must do’s” while you’re dating? And what things will hopefully help close the deal… :)

7 Must Do’s While You’re Dating
Disclaimer: Most of this advice is for people looking to eventually get married. If you’re not planning to get married, then you should read this article.

1. Get Raw Details Early On
It can take some time to find your soul mate. This could mean many dates with multiple people over a few years. My advice… Don’t waste your time. Ask the important questions within the first 3 dates. Religion, kids, where you want to live, dreams, career, politics, etc. If you can get this section right, everything else will be clockwork.

2. Be More Modest Than You Think You Should Be
If you marry this person, you’ll have a lifetime of nakedness, flirting, mooning, and maybe some inappropriate flashing. But don’t give up all of this fun while you’re dating. You might call me prude, but I think it’s just smart. Keep your first few years of marriage awesome. And naked.

3. Be Exactly Who You Are
Sure, wear your best, smell like flowers and leather, but be yourself. Don’t sell a better, more organized, more thoughtful, more skanky, more wealthy version of yourself. Just be who you are. I promise it’s enough and if your partner is captivated by the real you, there is nothing better.

4. Go Somewhere Awesome With a Married Couple
Around date number 10, plan a trip or daycation with a married couple (without kids). Watch their mannerisms and the way they talk to each other. Ask them about their dating life and what they would have done differently. There is no better way to understand marriage than seeing it with your own eyes.

5. Write Them a Future Spouse Letter
If this person is possibly “the one,” write them a future spouse letter. Tell them how you feel (now), what you’re excited about and what you hope life will look like in 10 years. And if you do tie the knot, give it to them on your honeymoon. Even if the facts change, the thought will make their brain explode.

6. Take Your Time, But Don’t Be An Idiot
Everything you need to learn in order to make the “can I marry this person” decision occurs within one year. Sure, you will not know everything about them, but you’ll know enough. My wife and I dated for one year before we were married. I have learned a lot about her since, but nothing that was so critical it would have changed my decision of marrying her. Date a year. Not four. Don’t make excuses. People have been dating and marrying in less than a year for thousands of years. And remember, one third of the world is still made of arranged marriages (and they have lower divorce rates). Step up to the plate, you can do this. 

7. Prepare to Mourn Your Singleness (Important)
Anytime there is loss there is a need for mourning. The primary symptom of PTSD is caused from people who lost something and did not grieve it. This is why the minds of soldiers who have left war zones still act like they’re on the battlefield. This is also the reason why people who are no longer single still act like they are. Their minds have not mourned the loss. After you’re married, you’ve lost the ability to show intimate affection to others. You’ve lost the ability to only care about yourself. You’ve lost the ability to flirt. Marriage is a great thing, but there is loss involved. Mourn the loss of your singleness. It will only strengthen your future marriage.

How did these must do’s make you feel? Do you have any good dating experiences or tips yourself? Tell me your story in the comments below.

– See more at: http://dalepartridge.com/7-must-dos-youre-dating-2/#sthash.mKFL9BiC.dpuf

7 Crucial Rules for Dating Your Friend’s Ex


Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend’s ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it’s wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they’d never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they’re just following the rules.

What I’ve noticed, though, is that every person I’ve heard espouse this worldview was straight. This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities. If you’re gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend’s ex at some point. Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you’ve found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life. It’s difficult to meet people you’re romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city’s queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight. Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a 10-minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.

Queers don’t tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication. We know our backstories will be tangled and intertwined. I can count the degrees of hookup separation between my closest friends and myself, and usually come up with no more than two or three. In fact, when we met, my now-partner was on a date with my best friend. They dated casually for a few weeks before they split up and we got together, and three years later the same friend gave one of the readings at our wedding.

1. Don’t gossip. It’s common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be much less comfortable speaking to you in confidence if she thought the details of her personal life were going to be relayed to someone who used to share her toothbrush. (I’m going to use female pronouns for your friend, and male pronouns for your sweetie, for the sake of simplicity; however, every rule here applies no matter the genders of the participants.) Keep your friend’s secrets. The reverse is also true; no matter how much you love discussing your dude with your besties, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life. Save it for your diary or for anyone who didn’t date him.

2. Don’t trash talk. It’s OK to come to your partner for advice if you’re arguing with your friend, or vice versa, but absolutely resist the urge to belittle or insult one of them to the other. This can be extremely tempting if they ended on bad terms and you know you’ll find a sympathetic ear. However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it’s crucial that you never seem even a little like you’re taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact. If you need to vent about one of them, find a neutral party.

3. Respect boundaries without making assumptions. For instance, if your friend doesn’t want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don’t pressure her. But don’t assume she doesn’t want an invite if you haven’t asked! In general, allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don’t push them to associate if they’re not into it. Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other. This goes for friends and partners who haven’t dated, too, now that I think of it. Set aside time for each of them and honor it — don’t drag your lover along on girls’ night out (not even if your lover is a lady; queer chicks are so bad about this), and don’t invite your friend to what was supposed to be a romantic dinner at home.

4. No comparisons. Don’t ask your man if you’re prettier/smarter/better at Scrabble than his last girlfriend. Don’t do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you’re going rock climbing with Sunday. No matter what his answer is, it’s going to make things weird. Besides, comparing yourself to anybody — even if you come out ahead — is always going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy. So don’t seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you’re not interested in hearing it. You and your friend are not in competition, except when you’re actually playing Scrabble.

5. Don’t be paranoid. Don’t try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you’re afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don’t constantly seek reassurance that that’s not the case. Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you’re awesome, not because he’s biding his time until your friend takes him back. Trust that your friend is happy you’ve found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love. And don’t ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he’s untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there’s really nothing wrong, don’t create problems where none exist.

6. Don’t pry into their relationship. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge. Likewise, don’t grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated. Their relationship is between them; it’s not your cautionary tale or your soap opera. If they choose to share details with you, that’s fine — you don’t need to stick your fingers in your ears, unless an overt comparison is being made (see No. 4) — but don’t push. Your relationship and theirs are separate things, and you don’t need to know anything they don’t care to tell you.

7. Recognize that some exes really are off-limits. It’s easier, of course, to have hard-line rules — “exes are never OK” versus “exes are totally fine” — but that’s not the world we live in. If someone seriously mistreated your friend (we’re talking emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc.), don’t date him, no matter how awesome his butt looks in jeans. This has nothing to do with some kind of Eternal Dibs situation, and everything to do with the fact that, by choosing to build a relationship with someone who treated her horribly, you’re telling your friend you don’t think what he did to her was all that bad. Just walk away. There are lots of people out there who are just as good in bed and haven’t traumatized anyone you care about. Set the precedent that people who are awful to your friends are people who don’t get to see you naked, and your life will be the better because of it.

9 Ways NOT To Impress A Woman

n-BAD-FLIRT-large570From revealing romantic feelings for a friend to crafting a spiffy e-opener, catching the interest of someone you’d like to date can be hard. (Seriously, we sympathize with any single woman or man.)

But while the methods one can use to woo a lady have definitely expanded, some should just never be used.

Redditor Alexander_Dumass asked the ladies of the AskWomen forum to weigh in on the worst pickup techniques. Here are nine things men do to impress women that really don’t work:

1. Talk trash about women. “It literally makes no sense but it’s so common.”

2. Insult the person you’re currently dating. “As if that will make me change my mind and hop on your dick instead.”

3. Show off their wealth. One Redditor put it perfectly:

It’s not douchey to have money or to spend money on nice things. It is douchey to brag about how much money you make and the nice things you own, to make a big show of spending your money so everyone can see how rich you are, or to act as though being wealthy somehow makes you better than those around you.
4. Send unsolicited dick pics. “You’re gross.”

5. Give you a “resume” of why you should date them. “‘I’m real buff, I’ll treat you real nice, I make lots of money, I’ll buy you gifts…’ Like I’m some sort of a shallow brainless twit that is looking to hire a boyfriend.”

6. Brag about how many women they’ve slept with. “He went from talking about pound town to asking me downtown. It was, sadly, not a joke.”

7. Lie about their interests to make it seem like the two of you have more in common. “If you’ve never seen Blade Runner, for example, don’t say you have just because its my favorite film. I can always tell when they’re lying about this and I don’t think it’s sweet.”

8. Follow you around the gym. “I’m busy, bro.”

9. Talk only about themselves. “I’m glad that you assume that you’re more interesting than I am.”


Originally posted on at Huffington Post.

7 things women find unattractive about men

Unattractive female habits

One minute you’re making our hearts all warm and fuzzy, and the next we feel a little bit sick because of your gender-specific habits. We know you gentlemen aren’t all the same, but when a man has any of the following habits it’s unattractive. Here are seven things women find unattractive about men:

Unattractive male habit 1: Boasting

Some guys big themselves up so much that it would appear they’re trying to prove to themselves that they’re a good catch. We’ve heard about how amazing your job is, how much money you’re earning, how hot your exes were, how everyone loves you. Now time to talk about ourselves… nope, because you haven’t finished bigging up your car and your house and your hilarious personality (erm, really?). Do you think that all this bragging will make us overlook the fact that you’re so boring? Being egotistical won’t make the ladies stick around so employ a bit of modesty and try asking questions about us rather than blabbing about yourself all the time.

Unattractive male habit 2: Having no old-fashioned values

We don’t expect you to act like one of the gentlemen from a Charles Dickens’ film, but not being gentlemanly at all is a huge turn-off. You can take us on a few dates and treat us like a queen but the day you leave us to walk down a dark alley to find our car is the day we suddenly realise we’re not attracted to you anymore. We want a man who has old-fashioned values and treats his women with respect. We like to be looked after and feel safe when we’re with you, not feel as though you could ditch us at any moment because you’ve remembered you’re late for the pub with the lads.

Unattractive male habit 3: No sense of humour

If there’s one thing a man must possess to make us feel attracted to them, it’s a sense of humour. It’s a powerful tool in a conversation, particularly when overcoming awkward moments, and not having one makes you seem overly serious and boring. When we’re laughing until we can barely breathe at something undeniably hilarious, it’s not very attractive when you sit there straight-faced and serious. The guy who is having a laugh with his friends, however, always looks like a fun person to be around. We like the guy who is intelligent enough to make us laugh until our ribs hurt and won’t give us an evil stare when we start breaking out into a giggle.

Unattractive male habit 4: Scratching your private parts

They’re the big manly hands we like to hold, the hands that make us feel safe, the hands you cook the tea with on the odd occasion, and the hands you er… scratch your privates with – nice. It’s definitely a turn-off for women when men shamelessly scratch ‘down there’ without a care in the world. It gets worse when you insist on stealing our chips. You don’t pinch one off the top; you rummage right the way down to the bottom with your scratching hand. At least get your scratching fix in the bathroom when you’re not in full view of everyone else. And then wash your hands afterwards.

Unattractive male habit 5: Lack of ambition

Most women are attracted to men who have a focus in life, and we find it repulsive if you have no ambition to achieve anything. It makes it hard for us to respect you if you can’t speak to us about your goals, ideas, and things you want to achieve. No one wants to settle down with the guy who gets his kicks out of lazing around on the sofa watching day time television while we’re working hard to achieve our dreams. Getting your kicks out of video games and nothing else is sad and boring.

Unattractive male habit 6: Expecting us to clean up after you

So you get annoyed at us for nagging, right? Well don’t give us a reason to nag then. If you didn’t leave a trail of clothes, food, and towels around the house then we wouldn’t have anything to nag about. You make out as though we’re clean freaks whose lives revolve around cleaning and tidying when, in actual fact, we just don’t want to live in a pig sty. You suddenly lose your attractiveness once we’ve seen your boxer shorts scattered around the floor and your beard hairs in the sink. We’ll clean our stuff up, you clean yours. We know this will never happen, but you’d be a million times more attractive if it did.

Unattractive male habit 7: Being over-protective

As much as we love to feel safe and cared for, there’s a fine line between that and being over-protected. Being over-protective is a sign of insecurity, and we like our men to be independent and tough. One minute we’re saying thanks to the postman for delivering a parcel, the next we’re being accused by our other half of flirting and wanting to marry the guy. Accusing us of fancying every Tom, Dick and Harry that crosses our path is annoying and it makes you seriously unattractive.